Today I learned..
That even now.. I'm still struggling to find the strength to keep my spirits up and share a little more of who I am as a person to my parents. Today seems like a day when one of my identities - my sexual orientation, came on the spotlight between my mom, and a friend who asked about it today.
To put some prospective on the situation, I identify as bisexual. I'm attracted to really whoever I feel attracted to, I guess the technical term would be pansexual, but I'm not here to be technical - I'm here to share with those willing to listen. I also want to point out that identifying as bi doesn't sum up my life in so many words and ideas that pop into mind. There are other identities that make up who I am, that I embrace, and I recognize have advantages when I'm at the right place, at the right time.
But today.. my sexual orientation came on the spotlight, my personal spotlight. It wasn't negative, and if anything it was reassuring, and hopeful. Yesterday my mum asked if I wanted to accompany her to her work to say hello to some of my former supervisors and bosses. I used to work as an intern at the company she works at during the summers. I was delighted to visit the friends I made at work, and say hello before I needed to leave my family and end my vacation. Along the drive to work I was talking with my mum, and the topic of one of my sisters came up - my mum's been stressed about my sister's behavior as of late.
At some point in the conversation I talked about a real close friend who I plan on visiting later in the week, and I told my mum my friend's story. My friend identifies as bisexual, and at that point in the conversation my mum surprised me and said my sister also identified as bi. Hearing it come from my mum was a surprise, I thought she hadn't known yet, and I tried not to get defensive - my first instinct.. but my mum surprised me yet again. She told me she didn't mind my sister being bi, my mum wouldn't be happy, but she told me there are much more dire things to worry about with my sister's well being. I felt relieved, and even hopeful because in the past I would often argue to no end with my mum about identifying as bi.
Today I learned.. my mum has been changing, and though we grew up in a very strict culture she's been opening up.. and she's been receptive to her children's needs.
Later in the day I was browsing around after a day of errands with my partner, and I found a tumblr page I thought captures the raw essence of living with insecurity and fear of living with self and sexual orientation.
I know this is a sensitive topic for y'all and if your first immediate reaction was a mixture of repulsion, or hostility I'd like to ask you to pause and think, "Why did I react like that? What have I been taught to believe that doesn't match up here?" For those of you who feel like venting, the blog I hold is an open forum, and is not a safe place to post. If you're hesitant, or unsure about who you are, please don't feel compelled to post, but if you do post I will read it with an open mind and without judgement - I'll do my best, not judging someone is hard, so cut me some slack!
Like I mentioned earlier, I found this nifty site on tumblr! :D
When I Came Out...